Should I Go to the Prom?

The question of whether one should attend their high school prom is not a question in the minds of most young people. Other questions usually take center stage: “What should I wear? With whom shall I go? Where should I go afterwards?” In other words, the question of whether one should go to the prom has already been decided.

If you’re reading this, I’d like to assume that you are seeking to be someone unlike most high schoolers. A Christian is defined by NOT being like most other people. We are those who are trained to “renounce ungodliness and worldly passions”, who “live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age” (Titus. 2.12). So, if you’re asking the question: “Should I go to the prom?”, I’d like to commend you first for asking a question that most will not.
It demonstrates that you care about whether God would be pleased with your decision.

First, let’s be honest and specific about what happens at most high school proms:

• Young men and women will wear (what we will for the moment define as) “formal wear”.
• Nearly every high school prom is, at its most basic level, a dance with popular contemporary music.
• Pictures are taken, either with one’s date or with friends.
• Often, prom attendees will meet up afterwards for all sorts of activities that are often unsupervised.

That’s it. That’s the prom, in a nutshell. A dance, in “formal wear”, with pictures. Here are the main concerns:

The Clothing

“Formal wear” is putting what some young people wear to prom in the best possible light. Typically, young men will wear tuxedos or some similar form of male formal attire, which while sometimes is extravagant and flashy usually doesn’t cause concern on the modesty front. There are sadly always a few exceptions.

On the other hand, female prom attire is often incredibly immodest. Whether the dress is too tight, too loose, or not enough of it exists to decently clothe a female, the simple fact is that many young women attending their high school prom will wear clothes that they would never wear to a worship service nor a family reunion. This begs an important question: why would young women wear clothes better suited for a nightclub or brothel than a church building? Does that not indicate the intent and purpose behind wearing such clothes? We must remember that Christians are called to dress themselves in a way that glorifies God (1 Tim. 2.9-10; 1 Pet. 3.3-6) and the attire of a prostitute (Prov. 7.10) utterly fails to accomplish this. Can you picture godly women in scripture like Ruth, Sarah, Dorcas, Mary Magdalene, or Hannah wearing modern prom dresses? Me neither.

The Dancing & Music

At its most basic level, dancing isn’t wrong. Moving one’s body to the rhythm of music isn’t inherently sinful. However, to argue that the Hokey-Pokey and the “grinding” that occurs at prom are the same is foolishness.

The dancing at prom occurs at very close proximity, often body-to-body, with motions that are best described as sexual. It is the sort of dancing that is described in Gal. 5.19-21 as “sensuality”, which means “wanton (acts or) manners, as filthy words, indecent bodily movements, unchaste handling of males and females”. This sort of activity is condemned throughout the New Testament (Mk. 7.22; 2 Cor. 12.21; 2 Pet. 2.2, etc.) and is wholly unfit for Christian young men and women. If you can picture and justify a 16-18 year-old Jesus of Nazareth dancing at prom the way that age group dances today, then you have wildly misunderstood Him, the prom, or both. And we haven’t even mentioned the music! Generally speaking, if the music popular among today’s high-schoolers was played at a gathering of your fellow Christians, they would be appalled and disgusted. Of the top-10 most popular songs in the world on Spotify, none of them have lyrics I could include here in good conscience. Two of them I can’t even write the title. Can you imagine Paul advising Timothy to “be safe and have a good time” at prom, given this ungodly environment? Me neither.

The Afterparty

The stories of tragedy that are the result of post-prom activities abound. From young men and women engaging in alcohol and drug use, to scenes of sexual immorality, what happens after prom is widely known for lacking in good and wholesome connotation. It is for this reason that some school systems mail out a letter to area churches asking for their help and support in keeping, what they describe as "one of the most dangerous nights of the year for our young people" as safe as possible. Christians must be willing to use wisdom in conjunction with permission to determine whether an activity is acceptable before God (Prov. 4.20-27).

So, some begin to reason: “If we 1. Wear modest clothes, 2. Don’t dance, and 3. Go home after prom, we’re good, right?” Here’s the other thing, and no one likes to hear this part but for your soul’s sake, please listen.

The issue here isn’t solely what you choose to wear at prom. If you’re thinking about going to prom dressed in a way worthy of a child of God (which itself is a commendable attitude), consider this: unless you go with your eyes glued shut, you will see what everyone else has chosen to wear (and in many cases, how little they decided to wear) to the prom. Clothing yourself properly doesn’t grant you permission nor immunity to head into a room full of half-naked people.
Job famously stated in 31.1: “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” It wasn’t as if Job was in the habit of parading himself around, but he recognized the danger of allowing his eyes to wander. David was probably fully clothed when he saw Bathsheba bathing in 2 Sam. 11, which led him to inquire, and then take her for himself. We can’t be so naïve to believe that we can go to prom and not be affected spiritually by what we see and hear. We’re told to guard our hearts and minds from the fleshly lusts that war against our souls (1 Peter 2:11). It’s a sad excuse for a guard that knowingly takes their charge into a warzone.

The issue with prom also isn’t solely whether you will dance or not. Let’s say you do go to prom, and you don’t dance or allow your date to put their hands on you at any time or vice versa (which is precisely the line we should draw with the opposite sex before marriage). You are still there. Present. Presence implies Participation. Your brethren and the world both see you in that context. How can we justify this in the light of passages like 2 Tim. 2.22: “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”? In Acts 7.58, Saul of Tarsus held the garments of those who stoned Stephen. Is Paul excused because but didn’t throw any rocks? Of course not: “And when the blood of Stephen your witness was being shed, I myself was standing by and approving and watching over the garments of those who killed him.’ (Acts 22.20) What sort of example are you going to set “the believers…in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Tim. 4.12) at the prom??? The simple fact is that attendance demonstrates approval, and Christians are called instead to “approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ” (Phil. 1.10). The prom does not meet that standard and going to prom under the premise that you won’t dance is just like going to a bar under the premise that you will not drink alcohol. Neither are fit for a Christian.

If you’ve made it this far, I’d like to commend you one final time, because you have been willing to consider what the scriptures have to say about a difficult decision. Please know this: there are godly alternatives to prom. Meet up with your Christian friends, dress up in your best appropriate clothes, have an incredible dinner and take pictures. You can have an amazing, memorable time without compromising your faith. Ask your parents and fellow Christians to help you facilitate this sort of event. You would be shocked by their generosity and their willingness to help you celebrate this special time in your life in a holy and godly way. I can personally name several Christians from my congregation when I was a teenager who did this very thing for me and other Christian young people, and for this we will be eternally grateful.

I get it: not going to prom isn’t popular. Frankly, neither is Christianity. We didn’t choose Christianity because it was popular. In fact, choosing Christ over the world is supposed to make us unpopular! “For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. With respect to this they are surprised when you do not join them in the same flood of debauchery, and they malign you; but they will give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead.” (1 Pet. 4.3-5).

We chose Christianity because of what God did for us in sending His Son Jesus to die on the Cross. If I can’t bring myself to choose Christ over the prom, why did I choose Him at all? “And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.” (Mark 8:34-38 ESV)

Should you go to the prom? I hope you’ll decide “no”. That would indeed be commendable. -Kyle Sanders